TODAY'S DAD JOKE · SEP 23
Why did the astronaut break up with his girlfriend?
He needed space.
⌁ Freshly served · SEP 23 ⌁
One delightfully questionable dad joke, served fresh every morning.
Why did the astronaut break up with his girlfriend?
He needed space.
One fresh joke in your inbox every morning.
What do you call a mountain that's always tired? Mount Ever-rest.
Why did the baker go to therapy? She kneaded it.
Why did the cookie go to the doctor? It felt crumbly.
What do you call a fake noodle? An impasta.
Why did the frog take the bus? His car got toad away.
What do you call a mushroom that buys drinks for everyone? A fungi to be with.
Why did the mirror go to therapy? It needed to reflect.
Why did the coffee file a police report? It got mugged.
What do you call a duck that gets all A's? A wise quacker.
Why don't oysters donate to charity? Because they're shellfish.
What do you call a group of singing cats? A mew-sical.
Why did the rope go to school? To get tied up in its studies.
What do you call a row of rabbits walking backward? A receding hairline.
Why did the golfer bring two pairs of pants? In case he got a hole in one.
What do you call a owl that does magic tricks? Hoo-dini.
What do you call a sleeping bag? A napsack.
What do you call a pig that does karate? A pork chop.
What do you call a sleeping dinosaur? A dino-snore.
What do you call a magician's dog? A labracadabrador.
Why did the gardener plant light bulbs? He wanted to grow a power plant.
What do you call a parade of bunnies hopping backward? A receding hare-line.
What do you call a knight who's afraid to fight? Sir Render.
Why did the belt go to prison? It held up a pair of pants.
Why did the lamp graduate early? It was very bright.
What do you call a computer that sings? A-Dell.
What do you call a bee that can't make up its mind? A maybe.
Why did the envelope go to the gym? It wanted to get ripped.
What do you call a factory that makes good products? A satisfactory.
Why did the music teacher need a ladder? To reach the high notes.
What do you call a line of rabbits walking backward? A receding hareline.
Why did the librarian slip on the floor? She was in the non-friction section.
What do you call a clock on a belt? A waist of time.
What do you call a sheep with no legs? A cloud.
What do you call a nervous javelin? Shakespeare.
What do you call a belt made of herbs? A waist of thyme.
Why did the barber win the race? He knew a shortcut.
What do you call a flower that runs on electricity? A power plant.
What do you call a pencil with two erasers? Pointless.
What do you call a dentist who doesn't like tea? Denis.
Why did the broom get a promotion? It was sweeping the competition.
What do you call a chicken looking at lettuce? A chicken sees a salad.
What do you call a train carrying bubblegum? A chew-chew train.
What do you call a can opener that doesn't work? A can't opener.
What do you call a singing laptop? A Dell.
What do you call a sleeping bull? A bulldozer.
Why don't calendars ever win arguments? Their days are always numbered.
Why don't tennis players ever get married? Because love means nothing to them.
What do you call a dog magician? A labracadabrador.
Why don't trees ever use computers? They prefer to log out.
What do you call a group of musical whales? An orca-stra.
Why did the stadium get hot after the game? All the fans left.
What do you call a lazy kangaroo? A pouch potato.
What do you call a shoe made from a banana? A slipper.
What do you call a boomerang that won't come back? A stick.
What do you call a piano that falls down a mine shaft? A flat minor.
What do you call a snowman with a six-pack? An abdominal snowman.
What do you call a parade of rabbits hopping backwards? A receding hare line.
Why did the scarecrow get promoted? Because he was outstanding in his field.
I only know 25 letters of the alphabet. I don't know y.
What do you call cheese that isn't yours? Nacho cheese.
I'm reading a book about anti-gravity. It's impossible to put down.
Why don't eggs tell jokes? They'd crack each other up.
What did the ocean say to the beach? Nothing, it just waved.
I used to hate facial hair. But then it grew on me.
Why did the bicycle fall over? Because it was two-tired.
What do you call a fake noodle? An impasta.
How does a penguin build its house? Igloos it together.
I ordered a chicken and an egg online. I'll let you know which comes first.
Why do fathers take an extra pair of socks when they go golfing? In case they get a hole in one.
What time did the man go to the dentist? Tooth hurt-y.
Did you hear about the restaurant on the moon? Great food, no atmosphere.
Why can't a nose be 12 inches long? Because then it would be a foot.
What do you call a fish wearing a bowtie? Sofishticated.
I'm afraid for the calendar. Its days are numbered.
Why did the coffee file a police report? It got mugged.
What's brown and sticky? A stick.
How do you make a tissue dance? You put a little boogie in it.
Why don't skeletons fight each other? They don't have the guts.
What do you call a belt made of watches? A waist of time.
Why did the math book look so sad? Because it had too many problems.
What do you call a dinosaur with an extensive vocabulary? A thesaurus.
I would tell you a construction joke... But I'm still working on it.
Why did the golfer bring two pairs of pants? In case he got a hole in one.
What did one wall say to the other wall? I'll meet you at the corner.
Why do bees have sticky hair? Because they use honeycombs.
What do you call an elephant that doesn't matter? An irrelephant.
How many apples grow on a tree? All of them.
What did the janitor say when he jumped out of the closet? Supplies!
Why did the tomato turn red? Because it saw the salad dressing.
What kind of shoes do ninjas wear? Sneakers.
I used to be a banker. But then I lost interest.
What's orange and sounds like a parrot? A carrot.
Why can't you give Elsa a balloon? Because she will let it go.